2024-2025 NFL Season Script discovered in Detroit
VIA MCT DETROIT: MCT investigative journalist Mary Jane Scoops has filed a blockbuster report on the discovery of the official 2024-2025 NFL Season Script in Detroit over the weekend.
“A confidential source (I’ll call them Shawn X”) reached out to me with news they had found this document while cleaning up at the end of the shift at a downtown bar,” Ms. Scoops explains. “It was apparently at a table where a bunch of folks from the NFL were sitting. Shawn X explained that they were ‘drinking a lot of Espresso Martinis’.”
While the MCT has yet to review the full document, we are able to share a number of interesting items:
- With the #1 pick in the 2024 NFL Draft, the Chicago Bears will select USC’s Caleb Williams who will “struggle mightily” adapting to NFL game speed.
- In a related story, Aiden Hutchinson will obliterate the single game NFL sack record in Week 1 when the Bears face the Lions with a whopping 11 sacks of Williams.
- In an also related story, QB Justin Fields will win the Comeback Player of the Year Award while the Bears GM will retain sole ownership of the Robert Quinn Medal for Management Incompetence.
- In third story that is actually double-related, the Bears will offer legendary coach Bill Belichick $2.3 billion to take their head coaching position who will respond “only with hysterical laughter”.
- Jerry Jones will elect not to extend Dak Prescott at quarterback, instead opting to use the money for “a project to clone Tony Romo”.
- The Super Bowl will be won by the Detroit Lions 37-33 over the Las Vegas Raiders when a clearly blown pass interference call on Lion cornerback & former Raider Amik Robertson erases a desperation Raider TD. In the post game press conference, Lion Head Coach Dan Campbell’s only response to questions about the call will be hysterical laughter.
If anyone has other items that are probably in this document, please share them with us on social media!
